..plastic smile

i like her plastic smile, few inches wide, tightlipped and pulled up to her cheek bones. she keeps her hair pulled back and formed a bun at the back of her head. a loose strand of her hair, which she keeps loose to keep herself busy, pulling it behind her ears from time to time. she donnes a collared shirt with thin blue and white checks and a small front pocket. she wears a thin golden chain around her neck, without any lockets, slightly pulled back towards her back. she doesn't have an earring, neither does she don a nosering. she serves coffee in the corner shop of 23rd Lane, a 2 minutes walk away from my home or my residence, whatever you prefer to call it.
I saw her standing by the counter, looking at the menu, or rather staring it for more that a couple of minutes. She might be calculating how much 13 cups of coffee and 19 burgers would cost. I know not, neither do I intend to find out. What interested me most was a golden earring that day. A tiny one, with the shape of probably a butterfly, quite difficult to figure out from a distance, you see. She looked exhausted, still looking intently at the menu. But what's the matter with her earrings. Was something special that day? Probably her birthday, the thought crossed my mind several times to ask her about it, but decided against it. I was afraid of she being apprehensive about entertaining such questions or remarks.
I went again to the coffee shop, next day. She was taking orders from a couple sitting in a corner of the shop. I passed by her, just hoping to have a sneak at her earrings. Yes! it was a butterfly. What a lovely earring! And her plastic smile, it looked ever so wonderful while she pulled her hair back to give me better view.

i dnt knw..sometimes things happen to pass by my mind..

the roads looked deserted and no vehicles passed by...
...the stench from the drain nearby kept mingling with my thought

and dragging my attention...
..it had barely been an hour but the night seemed to be never

ending..
i kept waiting...waiting for that window to open...
..the window behind the dark leaves of that tree...its thin

branches obstructing my view...
the hope of a face so beautiful opening that window...
..i was standing there..awake by the dream, whole night...
..the night never ended...and the window never opened..
...i knew she was there..standing beside that window...never

sleeping herself...
..but she kept the urge of opening that window to herself...
...she liked torturing me...and i liked standing in front of her

window...
...she had asked me not to stand there...walk by the garden...or

go shopping on the weekends..or go, party with my friends...or do

whatever i wish...but not to stand in front of her window...
...but gardens are so less in numbers...shops too few...and the

roads, all go about in circles..
...what will you do when we meet again...search for that

window..when that is there...no more again...
...a thin curtain of water will envelop everything...a face so

still in time will remain tied to that place...the time will

erode the paint of the picture hanging on the wall...
...heat will evaporate all water...but what will happen to the

man who is still standing in front of your window...still

thinking that there is a face behind that window...
..keeping the urge to herself...but not opening that window...

..a girl by the glass wall

four..five...six...seven, i counted my steps as i moved closer, still talking on my fone, i had another glimpse of her through the corner of my eye. pretty, isn't she? i asked myself the question, over n over again while i strolled those seven steps, to and fro to have another glimpse of her. her arm running down her slender figure, moving slightly as if awaken by the wind, head tilted on the side and the other hand, holding the fone by her ear, smiling, as if she just remembered a wonderful dream. her eyes twinkled or was it the sunlight falling on the glass wall. probably it was the mixture of too much caffeine and a dizzy head. i m not walking those seven steps again, i told myself, as i found myself there, standing again, looking at her through the corner of my eye.

silence please

i loose count of how many fists landed up on the wall of my bedroom. the light is off, automobile lights keeps showing through the window from time to time. I lie down on the floor, legs stretched, head bent down, hands folded behind my neck. am i sobbing for some reason? i dont remember. I need water. i go to the dining table where cold drink bottles are kept filled with water. i take one and pour water till i feel like puking. i keep it aside, still uncapped and sit down on the couch. I look up at the ceiling and think of laughing at it for no apparent or hidden reasons, just laughing histerically, pulling out the fan from the ceiling, pulling out all the wires attached to it. i start breathing heavily. i close my eyes and keep breathing heavily. i got used to it in no time and felt normal again. automobile lights flashes through the window curtains again it was dark within no time. there is a sudden thought of emptiness inside me. it sounds like an empty tin can kicked by someone walking on the road. it rolls on the road towards the inclination, making a tinkering sound, stops after a while, and there it is, silence again, ever so unsympathetic, tormenting me from head to toe. i am in freaking pain. i turn on the music, loud, still loud, it stays there with me, longer, longer still. i drank water again till i felt like puking. i turn off the music. i am tired. i lie down on the mattress spread on the ground, folding myself into an embryo. i dont remember anything. i am asleep. it is still there. silence.

the apparition

stopped coming to my dreams, the lighted lampposts started dimming and the sound of footsteps started coming from the street. i know not, whether it was an indication of a new dawn, a new beginning or a lost soul, wandering around, the footsteps that i could still hear, few lost words in the general humming around. the restlessness cease to hount me and boredom had its grip so tight that i almost felt suffocating, the kind of suffocation you feel when everything smells the same around you and you loose the hope of seeing any new occurances of amusing wizardry, the king of suffocation that you fell when you are surrounded by a thousand mirrors and see yourself all around and still knowing that it is not you. you can hear the sound of time ticking away and the racing heart coming to a stop, or evaporate like spirits dropping on your palm, without a sizzle, without any noise.

the apparition stopped coming ot my dreams, as it had warned me so, but i never believed as i had never believed that it was an apparition after all.

the purple dust settled on her feathers and her lovely fish eyes, her voice breaking the silence as if a tray of twinkling wine glasses just hit the floor and her footfalls coming like hustling of wind chimes. the wind chimes lay still near the window, no morning breeze ever cares to pay her a visit anymore, nor are the gusts in the afternoon able to move them. the purple dust blew away and so she disappeared. she had warned me, but i would never believe her. the apparition stopped coming to my dreams.

..a normal day at office

"hello!" a voice said behind my back. "hello!" i greeted back without turning my head. thump! came the sound of the bag which she dumped on her desk. i looked through the corner of my left eye, without turning my head, still pretending to be deeply engrossed with the stuff on my monitor.

She started off with the morning ritual she performs everyday, touching the invisible feet of idols kept on the right corner of her cubicle, adjusting the fone among other things which is kept on the left, taking out her notebook and placing it at the center, fixing a few cables and dragging her chair to the right place and finally dumping herself into it with a sigh!. By this time, my eyes rolled back to the screen in front of me and i wait for one of us to break the silence. mostly it is she, asking me to look at some forwarded emaiil which is supposed to be good or funny in general sense. most of them are ok and a few horrible.

but i was not waiting for all this. aha! it came now. first sneeze of the day, followed by a burst of incessant sneezes which i never tried to keep count of. i just imagine all the tiny particles swarming in the air all around, creating a musky cloud which grows bigger as the day advances. i imagine the beautiful butterfly princess who moved around her garden with butterflies surrounding her wherever she goes. probably a slight deviation here.

arms wide open

oh..what dreamy eyes...like the twinkling of the sky on a cloudless night..filled with all the thoughts i like to hear but never a word which i could hear...those lips quevering like a branch on the old mountain tree..shaken..stirred by the rusty winds...a sweet smell of the last evening's perfume that you had put on...and the tears rolling down your eyes..oh yes..it had rained last night and the droplets on the leaves are falling down..slowly so ever...it could contain no longer...never so free...never so careless...never in despair and never without words on your lips...you dont need a shoulder to hide them...you dont need ears to listen to your words...like a whisper it spreads...and so has it shaken me...and never so before had i dreamt of you...and never the thought of having you by my side left me for a moment...you know where are the eyes all looking for you...you know where the arms are still wide open...still hoping...some day they will be filled